Funny nursing stories

This happened when I was a Nurse Intern. I was in the room taking the patient's vital signs and doing my thing while the RN was asking the patient all the admission questions. We used HIPAA passwords for the patient's family and friends when they wanted info concerning the patient. The nurse asked the patient what password they would like to choose. The patient thought about it a minute and chose "Jesus." The RN nodded and typed it into the computer. I waited for the nurse outside the room and said, "you know, that password may not be such a good idea. Imagine a someone calling up and being asked for the password, not knowing it, and yelling 'JESUS'.... you'll end up telling them anything they want to know!"

The nurse smirked, walked back into the room and asked the patient for a new password.

Funny charting notes: "gentile range of motion" and I wish I had a dollar for every time I've seen CABBAGE instead of CABG to refer to bypass surgery.

Oh and how is it that you get a patient all tatted up who says "I'm afraid of needles?" Are you flippin' kidding me?

Yeah, well what I want to know is when my life took such a turn that the "key to the leathers" means I'm having a crappy night!

Key to the leathers? Oh that's hysterical!

I answered a call light at the nurses' station the other night and a patient told me that his brain had melted. I wanted to say "I know exactly how you feel", but I went and checked him for signs of a stroke. Turns out he was just confused and couldn't understand how he wound up in the hospital!

This happened years ago when I was a nurse intern:

I was assigned to sit with two patients who were agitated (in other words out of their minds crazy), one an fiesty elderly woman and the other a bi-polar foul-mouthed hard looking biker chick. The elderly woman was in restraints. The biker, just kept getting out of bed and talking loudly. The elderly woman was swearing at the biker, the biker was swearing back and I, as a student nurse was wondering what the heck I was doing in the room! At one point I asked two of the nurses to come into the room because both patients were out of control and at was at my wit's end to try to keep them calm and distracted with conversation or TV. The nurses entered the room and started laughing at the scene before them of both patients shouting obscenities, and the elderly woman throwing things at the younger patient while trying to get herself out of the restraints (and she was doing a good job of it too)! I asked the male nurse, "Is there a full moon out tonight?" At that very moment, the biker chick, wearing only a t-shirt, climbed out of her bed, and walked around the room. As everyone got more than a glimpse of her bare backside, the male nurse said "apparently so!"

LOL!! When I first read your post I read "genital range of motion"....

Oh that's even FUNNIER!!! Easy to imagine on a man.... but a woman? Hmmmm...

I have one for everyone here. I am a rather "colorful" person so to say so you never know what will come out of my mouth sometimes, good for tense times.
We got this res. in and he had come from the hospital, paralized from the neck down from MS. While he was @ the hosp. he had an allergic reaction to a latex condom cath so his scrotum was HUGE! AND I MEAN HUGE! He also had a "water blister" on the inner aspect of his thigh that was 8inches long and 4 inches wide, a fellow nurse went to do the TX on his scrotum that night and I was passing meds, she hollered @ me to come in and look @ this, the CNA's rolled him over and I thought his scrotum was that "water blister" and I was like OH MY GOD THAT IS HORRIBLE I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BIG THAT BLISTER IS! my fellow nurse goes hey lyns shut up and I was like no seriously that's horrible! and said I can't believe they didn't do anything about that! IT'S HUGE! I stepped out the door just REPULSED about this, she came out and goes that wasn't the blister that was his balls, and I was like WHOA! I told her thinking I was very quiet about it THOSE BALLS ARE BIGGER THEN BULL NUTS! ( I was raised in a farming family if ya can't tell ) well one of the male CNA's came up a few minutes later and he goes "Lyns he heard you say his balls were bigger than bull nuts" I was like OH MY GOD! I go well sh**! I have to go and lie about it!. So I went down to his room and I go " hey look I'm sorry" to him and in my head going just tell him the truth so I did, "Look I'm really sorry if I embarassed you I honestly didn't mean to can you please forgive me" he goes " yeah but do you really think they are that bad?" I told him " Well they're the biggest I've ever seen in my life" he started laughing and goes " Well hell if they're the biggest you've ever seen then I can brag about the boys!" we both laughed and finished up the evening.
Next day I went in and all of the day nurses and my DON go "Hey lyns, he wants you to go down and check out 'the boys' when you get a chance and he's been telling everyone today that he has the biggest balls that the blonde nurse has ever seen"

Hilarious! That one is going to be tough to top! Where are you located lgreenlpn?

Bowling Green MO, its about an hour and 20 minutes north of St. Louis incase you're not fimiliar with the area. It was so embarassing but it's nw a classic with everyone that knows me.

WOW! That is HILARIOUS!

Hahaha, that's so funny about the balls! It's good when you build rapport with your patients through the funniest ways!

Ever have anyone run through your room, dive & break through a window to fatefully fall.....one story and sprain his wrist? Check.

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